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Paternity Leave

25 posts
  1. Johnson Nolan
    Johnson Nolan avatar
    10/31/2012 2:10 AM
    Hello, first post here. I'm currently an Assistant Superintendent and am expecting my first child next month...my wife and I are extremely excited :D

    My question is, what is a typical amount of time off that you allow assistants to take? I contacted HR and have been getting mixed answers so I think next week sometime, I'll 'tell' them that I will take x days off. I really don't want to bring up the Family & Medical Leave Act so I need a fair number that I could suggest without them flipping out.

    Thanks so much, pictures to follow!



  2. Clay Putnam
    Clay Putnam avatar
    33 posts
    10/31/2012 5:10 AM
    Nolan Johnson said: Hello, first post here. I'm currently an Assistant Superintendent and am expecting my first child next month...my wife and I are extremely excited :D

    My question is, what is a typical amount of time off that you allow assistants to take? I contacted HR and have been getting mixed answers so I think next week sometime, I'll 'tell' them that I will take x days off. I really don't want to bring up the Family & Medical Leave Act so I need a fair number that I could suggest without them flipping out.

    Thanks so much, pictures to follow!


    Nolan,

    What is a fair number of days off? What is a fair number of days that you would accept? You've tossed the family medical leave act in the ring so I presume you have a number in your head. Approach your employer and lay it on the line.

    I'm sure your employer meets the requirements to fall under the family medical leave act regulations. It could get awkward to use the family medial leave act if it doesn't apply.



  3. Baker Daniel
    Baker Daniel avatar
    10/31/2012 6:10 AM
    I would talk directly to the superintendent and work something out. When my two were born I took a week and then worked partial days on the course and partial days from home doing paperwork.

    There is no paternity leave that relates to the maternity leave the mother gets. I wouldn't even go down that road unless your ready for a few gaping potholes to come up. You may be able to negotiate some unpaid time off but don't expect to be compensated if you are looking for an extended leave.

    Hopefully you are somewhere it gets cold and miserable and can take time off without it affecting the operation.

    Good luck with your little one! Get all the sleep you can now and do whatever your wife asks. Remember, she just had your son/daughter and it was alot easier for you than it was for her. Hold the new baby as much as you can and enjoy your newfound responsibility *end unsolicited advice



  4. Ronald Conard
    Ronald Conard avatar
    4 posts
    10/31/2012 8:10 AM
    Actually, I believe the FMLA covers the father too. If not, then disregard the following:

    Legally, your employer must honor your employment for 12 weeks. This can run concurrently with any other time off you have accrued. If you accrued time off is say, 4 weeks, and you need to take the full 12 weeks, they are not required to pay you for the 8 weeks when you don't have accrued time off. They are just required to not let you go during that period. The 12 weeks can also be broken up throughout a one year period. It does not have to run consecutively.

    I would look into the FMLA act and read it for yourself. I would also work with your employer and document everything. Hopefully, both parties will honor the spirit of the FMLA. During your time off check in with work or attend work as much as possible. Get back to work full time as soon as possible too. Show that you care about the job and are not just looking for some down time. I'm sure you're not, but it can sometimes be perceived that way by employers.



  5. Ronald Conard
    Ronald Conard avatar
    4 posts
    10/31/2012 8:10 AM
    Another aspect of the FMLA that you need to look into is whether or not it even applies to your employer. I believe the cut off is over 50 employees within a certain radius....I want to say something like 75 miles. But I'm not certain on that or whether or not the 50 employees need to be full-time or not.



  6. Larry Allan
    Larry Allan avatar
    0 posts
    10/31/2012 8:10 AM
    I guess laws vary. My brother in law was the Super at a prestigious club and according to the law up here either parent can take a year off work. The employer has to guarantee your job will be there when you return but they don't pay you while away. Employment Insurance pays the benefit



  7. Clay Putnam
    Clay Putnam avatar
    33 posts
    10/31/2012 10:10 AM
    Ronald Conard, CGCS said: Actually, I believe the FMLA covers the father too. If not, then disregard the following:

    Legally, your employer must honor your employment for 12 weeks. This can run concurrently with any other time off you have accrued. If you accrued time off is say, 4 weeks, and you need to take the full 12 weeks, they are not required to pay you for the 8 weeks when you don't have accrued time off. They are just required to not let you go during that period. The 12 weeks can also be broken up throughout a one year period. It does not have to run consecutively.

    I would look into the FMLA act and read it for yourself. I would also work with your employer and document everything. Hopefully, both parties will honor the spirit of the FMLA. During your time off check in with work or attend work as much as possible. Get back to work full time as soon as possible too. Show that you care about the job and are not just looking for some down time. I'm sure you're not, but it can sometimes be perceived that way by employers.


    Paternity leave does cover fathers. However, an employee can be exempt from the law for various reasons. You mentioned one, the employer must employ 50 or more employees. Additionally, a person can be exempt if he/she is one of the 10% wage earners of the company. Which, an assistant may qualify.

    Also, keep in mind that paternity leave does not require the employer to provide pay during the absence.



  8. Sean Hoolehan
    Sean Hoolehan avatar
    0 posts
    10/31/2012 10:10 AM
    Nolan,

    Here is some practical advice from a father of 4. Talk to your immediate supervisor about your plans. Think about being off the first week and try to limit the visitors at home to only close friends and family. Spoil your wife this first week, make sure she is not doing laundry, cooking or cleaning. Getting used to a baby at home for the first time is a huge game changer in your married life. After a week try to get a little flexibility in your schedule. Maybe work 4 hours a day for the second week. You will benefit from getting away from home and mother and child will do some individual bonding. Continue making sure your wife is not overwhelmed cooking, cleaning and other stuff. You may have split these chores prior to the baby but there are now a whole bunch of new ones and you both will be short of sleep at some time. By the 3rd week see how things are going. You [u">should[/u"> attend your child's first doctors appointment usually within 10 days of being home and I would encourage you to attend as many as you can. You will also want to start encouraging your wife to get out of the house a little bit. This is a good time for you to bond with your child and for your wife to adjust. Pay attention to your wife as well as the baby. Do not underestimate postpartum influences, this is a time when the mothers hormones are transitioning. Encourage her to visit friends, start going places as a family. Be patient you are going to be late to church, family gatherings, and just about any place you go. People understand. I would advise you to wisely use your paid leave. Company policies vary but in general your vacation leave is accrued and protected but sick leave is accounted but not protected. If your company has paid sick leave take it during this early period of being home to care for both mother and child. Try to always keep some paid leave banked for emergencies, trust me there will be some. After my first child I always prepared for next 3 better. I worked out more than usual, ate healthy, and limited alcohol (not easy for a Irishman). This really helps as being a new dad is like a running triathlon, you are going to hit the wall and you will need the strength to push through.

    The first 10 weeks of having your first child can be very stressful, but on the other hand they are also joyful. Your title as Dad is the most important you will ever have. Enjoy!!!



  9. Johnson Nolan
    Johnson Nolan avatar
    10/31/2012 7:10 PM
    I truly appreciate everyone's feedback on the matter, especially from that of Sean. No matter how I approach things, be it at work or at home, I love game-plans and you, sir, have provided a pretty good one!

    My wife and I are unfortunately by ourselves in Hawai'i and will have no help from relatives to assist with the transition into parenthood. None of us has ever changed a diaper for crying out loud! We'll be reliant on ourselves and the learning curve will be long. That being said, we are looking forward to the challenges and joys that are quickly approaching.

    I had a conversation with the GM yesterday and he said that when his kids were born, he was back at work the next day. I can tell you now, that's not gonna fly. I think that I will take 2 weeks unpaid leave, work half-time the 3rd week, and come back full time the 4th. I'm serious about being an assistant and my career (especially now that I'll have a little one) and have always worked hard to build a good name for myself in this industry. When I took the job a few months back I was honest and let them know up front that my wife was expecting.

    Wish me luck!



  10. Baker Daniel
    Baker Daniel avatar
    11/1/2012 7:11 AM
    Good luck with the family.

    I would advise that you make the decision now to put family ahead of work, which it sounds like you are already doing. In every job interview or conversation with your GM / Supervisor think about the phrase: "[u">I will never sacrifice my family for my job[/u">." That has served me well.

    In every interview I've ever been in I have said this and always gotten support and positive feedback. Also, I have only not been offered one job I interviewed for and they already had the guy picked out before I interviewed. I feel that they take this as a good sign of the character of the person they are looking at to hire.



  11. Ronald Conard
    Ronald Conard avatar
    4 posts
    11/1/2012 8:11 AM
    Nolan Johnson said: I truly appreciate everyone's feedback on the matter, especially from that of Sean. No matter how I approach things, be it at work or at home, I love game-plans and you, sir, have provided a pretty good one!

    My wife and I are unfortunately by ourselves in Hawai'i and will have no help from relatives to assist with the transition into parenthood. None of us has ever changed a diaper for crying out loud! We'll be reliant on ourselves and the learning curve will be long. That being said, we are looking forward to the challenges and joys that are quickly approaching.

    [u">I had a conversation with the GM yesterday and he said that when his kids were born, he was back at work the next day. [/u">I can tell you now, that's not gonna fly. I think that I will take 2 weeks unpaid leave, work half-time the 3rd week, and come back full time the 4th. I'm serious about being an assistant and my career (especially now that I'll have a little one) and have always worked hard to build a good name for myself in this industry. When I took the job a few months back I was honest and let them know up front that my wife was expecting.

    Wish me luck!


    Maybe the context of the above quote is different than what I am interpreting but personally, if someone implied that I was expected to do the same, especially considering your situation, I'd mark a huge red flag next to the GM's name with a mental note...."character issues". Which means document everything, know your rights, and watch your every step around this guy.

    Maybe I'm wrong but he wouldn't be the first GM to wind being a jag-off.



  12. James Schmid
    James Schmid avatar
    1 posts
    11/1/2012 1:11 PM
    Daniel Baker said: I would talk directly to the superintendent and work something out.


    I agree with Daniel Completely on this. This should have been your starting point. Have you done this? You mentioned that you talked to HR and your GM, is your direct supervisor the superintendent?



  13. Sean Hoolehan
    Sean Hoolehan avatar
    0 posts
    11/1/2012 3:11 PM
    Nolan,

    Wow talk about Deja vu!! Had our first child in 1987 at Tripler Army Hospital (my wife had just been detached from the Navy). We had lived in Hawaii a couple of years by then so we had some friends but we were 5000 miles away from family. My house at the time was right on Navy-Marine G.C. (where I was Supt.) so it made running into work pretty easy (just a cart ride). We laugh about making so many mistakes with our oldest but she turned out pretty good. The next 2 were born at Castle Hospital. Make it through the first 10 weeks and it starts getting better better. Nothing in this world compares to having your child fall asleep in your arms and you will find out after trying for 3 hours. Ha Ha!

    Sean



  14. Wahlin Scott B
    Wahlin Scott B avatar
    11/1/2012 4:11 PM
    The biggest shock I think is the realization that it is a 24/7/365 commitment for many years to come. We had two children the first time we were away from them for one night. We sat on the balcony of a hotel on Daytona Beach, looked at the ocean and did not say a word for well over an hour.



  15. Sam Reznicek
    Sam Reznicek avatar
    0 posts
    11/1/2012 9:11 PM
    I go back to the comment Conard made earlier about the GM. What kind of guy goes back to work the next day after his children are born??? Are you kidding me? That guy may have some serious character issues....

    My first child was born 4 years ago while I was still an asst. at a course in Montana. Similar situation, no family within 1000 miles of us.

    Hopefully Nolan your Superintendent will understand how many hours you have likely worked as an salaried employee leading up to this point, and by golly you probably deserve a little bit of time off for something as life-changing as bringing another human life into the world. I took 4 days off after our first child, and then for the next week just went in mornings to help get things going and was back at home with the family by lunch time. That seemed to work pretty out pretty well.

    One last piece of advice from a guy with a 4 year old and 4 month old in the house: Don't freak out. If I had a dollar everytime my wife freaked out about the littlest thing with our first born, then I would likely have retired from this business by now. Babies are a lot tougher than you might think, and even though you and your wife will likely have absolutely no idea what you are doing sometimes, the kid will live, and be just fine mind you. After our second daughter was born this summer, we chilled out a ton more and basically let this one raise itself.



  16. James Schmid
    James Schmid avatar
    1 posts
    11/1/2012 10:11 PM
    Sam Reznicek said: I go back to the comment Conard made earlier about the GM. What kind of guy goes back to work the next day after his children are born??? Are you kidding me? That guy may have some serious character issues....

    My first child was born 4 years ago while I was still an asst. at a course in Montana. Similar situation, no family within 1000 miles of us.

    Hopefully Nolan your Superintendent will understand how many hours you have likely worked as an salaried employee leading up to this point, and by golly you probably deserve a little bit of time off for something as life-changing as bringing another human life into the world. I took 4 days off after our first child, and then for the next week just went in mornings to help get things going and was back at home with the family by lunch time. That seemed to work pretty out pretty well.

    One last piece of advice from a guy with a 4 year old and 4 month old in the house: Don't freak out. If I had a dollar everytime my wife freaked out about the littlest thing with our first born, then I would likely have retired from this business by now. Babies are a lot tougher than you might think, and even though you and your wife will likely have absolutely no idea what you are doing sometimes, the kid will live, and be just fine mind you. After our second daughter was born this summer, we chilled out a ton more and basically let this one raise itself.


    I went back to work the day after my daughter was born.



  17. Wahlin Scott B
    Wahlin Scott B avatar
    11/1/2012 10:11 PM
    James Schmid said: I went back to work the day after my daughter was born.


    Me too, but we had plenty of help from family and friends. I would not have left my wife otherwise.



  18. Melvin Waldron
    Melvin Waldron avatar
    43 posts
    11/2/2012 7:11 AM
    Actually I was back at work too the next day, a couple of big differences, I lived at the golf course and my wife and son were still in the hospital because of a c-section. We did have family visiting by the time I brought both mom and son home.

    Talk about freaking out though, I guess for some reason we didn't have Nick buckled in his child seat well? (I thought the nurse who brought everyone to the car did that). I had to pull off a busy Rt.17 in NJ so we could buckle him in. Getting of the hwy was probably more dangerous.

    Best of luck.

    Mel

    Melvin H. Waldron III, CGCS, Horton Smith Golf Course, City of Springfield/Greene County MO

  19. Steve Nelson
    Steve Nelson avatar
    0 posts
    11/2/2012 9:11 AM
    I guess I'm a low character cave man too. I was back the next day although with an abbreviated schedule for a while. I don't think it's a bad thing. We're morning people, I get off early enough to pick the kids up at school, spend lots of time with them and help around the house (the kids have always preferred my cooking).

    For the first one Nolan, since you two are on your own out there, by all means take the first week off. As you adjust and get used to it you will realize that you will be able to get back to doing some work earlier than you imagined.

    PS, Congrats and I hope all goes well.



  20. Ronald Conard
    Ronald Conard avatar
    4 posts
    11/2/2012 11:11 AM
    My comment wasn't really about going back to work the day after. That's for each individual to decide. The comment was about a person (his GM) tacitly implying that someone needs to do the same, especially in Nolan's situation.



  21. Sam Reznicek
    Sam Reznicek avatar
    0 posts
    11/2/2012 6:11 PM
    I suppose there are a few different ways of "going back to work". For those of you who were back at work the day after one of your children were born, I would assume that to mean that you went in for an hour or so to check and see how your assistant was doing, and then head back to the hospital. If in fact you were going back for a full day the day after the birth of your child, then I would say you might have a problem.

    Having a birth with both a healthy child and healthy mom would make that decision a little different as well. My wife was in the hospital a few extra days both times for some complications, the golf course wasn't even a distant thought for me at that time.

    I guess to each their own...



  22. James Schmid
    James Schmid avatar
    1 posts
    11/2/2012 8:11 PM
    Sam Reznicek said: I suppose there are a few different ways of "going back to work". For those of you who were back at work the day after one of your children were born, I would assume that to mean that you went in for an hour or so to check and see how your assistant was doing, and then head back to the hospital. If in fact you were going back for a full day the day after the birth of your child, then I would say you might have a problem.

    Having a birth with both a healthy child and healthy mom would make that decision a little different as well. My wife was in the hospital a few extra days both times for some complications, the golf course wasn't even a distant thought for me at that time.

    I guess to each their own...


    you assume wrong. And thanks for your diagnosis. I feel much better now, at least knowing that I do in fact have a problem



  23. Clay Putnam
    Clay Putnam avatar
    33 posts
    11/4/2012 11:11 AM
    Sam Reznicek said: I suppose there are a few different ways of "going back to work". For those of you who were back at work the day after one of your children were born, I would assume that to mean that you went in for an hour or so to check and see how your assistant was doing, and then head back to the hospital. If in fact you were going back for a full day the day after the birth of your child, then I would say you might have a problem.

    Having a birth with both a healthy child and healthy mom would make that decision a little different as well. My wife was in the hospital a few extra days both times for some complications, the golf course wasn't even a distant thought for me at that time.

    I guess to each their own...


    No need to go there Sam. There are many-a healthy father/child relationships for fathers who were back to work the next day.



  24. James Smith
    James Smith avatar
    113 posts
    11/26/2012 8:11 AM
    First off Congratulations!

    Do what you feel is neccessary but keep in mind what kind of bind you may place your employer in. Find out if there may be some things that you can do to help ease your clubs burdon from your needed time off (work weekend mornings or afternoons). Keep the thought family first above all and the fact that you may have to leave at a moments notice for those little problems.

    While never being lucky enough to have children of my own my only advice is if it is a boy keep your mouth shut when changing his diapers (they have incredible aim)!

    Good Luck



  25. Fleegel Timothy
    Fleegel Timothy avatar
    11/26/2012 10:11 AM
    One of the reasons you're in this business is because you know what it takes to get the job done. That being said, you, and only you, know how much you're going to be able to be at work to help get the job done. My first daughter was born in mid-October (northern climate) so I was able to take more time and spend it at home, although I didn't because my in-laws and my grandmother-in-law came to stay with us for 2 weeks. My second daughter was born in the middle of May. I was at work again the next day and it's one of the things I regret most so far.

    Take the time you need and spend it bonding with your new little one. Take the time and spend it with your wife, giving her time to sleep and take care of herself is very important. You'll know when you need to go into work for a drive around the course or to deal with something.

    Congrats and enjoy the time! You never get these chances again!



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